MAN I seem to suck a lot these days.
On one hand, yes, things are looking good actually. Reviews are coming in for A New Beginning, with scores from 84% all the way to 90%, with a lot of praise for our audio. Will go to 5 cities this month.
On the other hand, though, I fell down the stairs on Saturday, hurting my left arm. I still can’t do much with it, typing maybe. I certainly can’t carry much or lean on it. How stupid.
AND THEN, I had a big and important telephone appointment Monday 2pm. I didn’t forget it. I talked about it even while the time was passing by, because I didn’t realise it is already Monday. “Next Monday” was still in the future in my muddy brain. Working 7 days a week from home totally fucks up your inner calendar.
That’s why I bought 2 new whiteboards for my wall, one with weekdays for planning the weeks ahead. I did it before failing that important date, at least.
Now I got a call, I missed another, not so important date on Monday, too.
The problem is, I am a linear guy. When I create music, I don’t realise the passage of time. When I am organizing, I can’t think about music. When I am creative, I forget all about organization. That’s why my office is always chaotic.
I am taking active steps to fix all that, NOW.
Man, missing that appointment really brought back the meaning of the word SHAME to me. Do you know the feeling? Like, when you fall asleep without warning and miss something important? This helpless anger, hating yourself but at the same time somehow feeling “but I am innocent”? Yuck.
As usual, I will twist this into something meaningful and helpful for the future. I will stick to my newfound resolutions and remember that stupid moment as a scarecrow.
It is absurd, those things take a minute each. I just have to train my brain. Even if I am deep in producing a new soundtrack, I need to take time to check if my recording 10 hours straight collides with an important appointment. Or at least, which day it currently is.
I have some other new ideas about organizing myself as a fulltime independent freelancer, and I fear you will see some posts about that in the future.